Communication is difficult for some people. Some can speak in front of the audience with a huge number of spectators, inspire people with great ideas, exchange jokes at parties and instantly find new friends. Other people can barely maintain even ordinary everyday conversation. However, using simple rules and exercises, you can learn to communicate with people and achieve the desired results.
Why are there difficulties in communication?
Difficulties in communication arise in many people for various reasons. However, they can be grouped into four main categories:
- Fear of public speaking or talking with dear people;
- Misunderstanding;
- Disgust;
- Lack of interest.
Misunderstanding - one of the biggest problems that occurs when communicating with people. In this case, people cannot start a conversation. They lose a chain of thoughts and are not able to build a constructive dialogue. To continue communication in this situation, you need to make a lot of effort. But if the interlocutor has no desire to continue the conversation, then it is easier to interrupt.
For example, there are generally accepted communication models. We talk with the boss on one of them, with relatives - on the other, with subordinates - in a completely different way. Sometimes these communication models get confused, as a result of which relations with both the boss and close people deteriorate.
The next category is fear of communication. Difficulties in maintaining dialogue are associated with personal fear. Often, the reasons for the appearance of a fear of communication lie as a result of negative experience in the past or even in its absence. One of the main fears is the fear of performance. It arises because the person does not know how the opponent will react to his speech. If, due to misunderstanding, communication is interrupted by one of the parties, then in case of fear of presentation, communication may not even begin.
The third category is disgust and communication difficulties. A person can be able to communicate and find common themes with others, while not having any fears. However, the fact is that many people block communication even at the beginning.
For example, there is aversion to appearance. We all know that we are met by clothes. Different external images repel people, but most of all people who do not care for themselves. Bad breath, dirty clothes, unwashed head - this is a guaranteed description of the interlocutor with whom they will not communicate. Also unpleasant will be communication with a person with a poor social reputation. This may be his lifestyle, harsh statements or facts from life.
The last fourth category is interest in the interlocutor. Everything should be in moderation here. Interest in him should be sufficient to maintain a conversation, but not excessive. Excessive interest is scary. With insufficient interest, communication is boring and bland.Interest is the main reason for communication. If it is, then the dialogue may turn out to be successful. If it is not, then all other criteria are no longer important.
Psychology, how to communicate with people
In everyday life, communication is an important component. In the family, it is necessary to maintain warm relations and a friendly atmosphere, at work - for the development of your own business and growth on the career ladder. If you apply the rules of communication described below, you can succeed in life.
Psychologists advice on communicating with the interlocutor:
- The interlocutor should be called more often by name. A personal name is more important for a person than any compliments.
- When communicating, it is advisable to ask leading questions. Of course, he does not need to arrange an interrogation, but he must be asked in such a way as to confine himself to simple answers, such as yes or no.
- A slight provocation in the conversation does not hurt. If you want to ask about something, then you need to do this without worrying. In a conversation it is better to leave aside the following topics: bad news, politics, health, career advancement, gossip and other people's mistakes.
- People should be communicated with similar intonation at their own pace. For example, the boss does not need to be weary of artistic manners, and talk to your beloved wife or husband as subordinate employees.
- It is necessary to speak clearly, competently, firmly. To do this, you need to limit social networks, turn off the TV, burn literary trash and turn to high-quality documentary films or popular science magazines. In this case, scientific literature does not hurt.
- Have a desire to communicate? You will need to work with a written speech. Psychologists are sure that there is a direct connection between the ability to communicate in writing and orally. Therefore, if a person is a lover of social networks, confining himself to emoticons when communicating is not the best technique for learning how to communicate.
- For proper communication with people, use facial expressions and gestures. But you need to know the measure. You should not talk about a trip to Africa with a stone face, but you also don’t need to gesticulate like a windmill.
- You can maintain a conversation only if in the process it turns out to delve into what the interlocutor is talking about.
An important advice of psychologists is to be confident in yourself and love yourself for who you are. To communicate correctly, you need to be confident in your speech.
People need to be trusted, to be open. At least until they have shown themselves on the other side. For example, a neighbor can annoy with daily repairs and other habits, but he can be a good lawyer or fitness trainer. In this case, you need to maintain communication with him in order to take advantage of his skills and knowledge at the right time.
Stop being afraid of communication
The main reason for the fear of communicating with people is fear, which is based on not knowing what to expect from this communication. It can be presented before the dialogue begins. But if a person is not confident in himself, he will present this in a negative way. As a result, fear makes all communication with others be avoided.
In communication, first of all, experience is important. If it is not, then there is no speaking skills. In the absence of experience in communication, the desire to communicate disappears and a vicious circle is obtained. To break this circle, you will need to acquire communication skills. To do this, you need to get out of your comfort zone and face your own fear. There are several tricks to overcome fears in communication.
Exercise 1: questions.Take the shuttle bus and ask the conductor where he is going. Ask him if he crosses the right street. There should be no fear. There are no risks in this matter. This is a common question that the conductor should answer without any problems.
Exercise 2: a call in the company.As soon as free time appears, pick up the telephone directory and start calling. Where it doesn’t matter.Find out how the organization works, on what schedule, what their product prices are.
If you can not cope with the dialogue, there is nothing wrong with that. You can always hang up, having previously said that the number was wrong. Every day, doing this exercise, you can achieve skills in this type of communication. You will also begin to realize that people are not really as scary as they seemed.
Exercise 3: training in stores.To consolidate the acquired skills of the two previous exercises, we go to the field conditions and go to the shops. But we are not engaged in shopping, but in a little training. We call on a consultant and begin to find out all the intricacies of the selected device, for example, a microwave, video camera, phone and so on.
This is an excellent exercise, because in addition to learning communication skills, we get rid of fear in talking with strangers and begin to learn to refuse.
Exercise 4: the fight against embarrassment.We go to the pharmacy. For what? To purchase condoms. In fact, there is nothing wrong with that. Just going to the pharmacy, remember that when buying condoms, first of all, you think about the health of your partner.
Exercise 5: Surveys.A sociological survey is what you need to consolidate communication skills. First, try to formulate a question that you would like to ask others around. Initially, it will be difficult, since no one likes interference in personal life. But do not be afraid to ask, there is nothing shameful in this. The result justifies the means.
With the help of communication skills you can discover great prospects and opportunities not only in your personal life, but also at work. Do not be afraid to try to communicate with people, overcoming your fears.
Communication Skills Exercises
It’s not possible to become a master in communication during the day, just like in a month. But, mastering special exercises, you can significantly increase your level in communication.
Active listening.If there is a fear of communication, you just need to learn to listen. The golden rule: listen twice as long as speak. You need to learn to listen not only with your ears, but with your whole body. That is, use the eyes, facial expressions, gestures. If confusion arises, you should stop the interlocutor’s story and clarify what he had in mind;
Non-verbal conversation.In psychology, there is a group of "whole" people. These are those people who, together with the submission of information, gesticulate to the beat. They say exactly what they feel, therefore, the body reacts correctly to words. More attention is paid to body language than to speech. But if the problem is solved gradually: first paying attention to the hands, then to the movement of the legs, then to the facial expressions, then soon the problem will be solved and the person will find a tandem of body language along with verbal communication;
Explanation of the conversation.During active listening, this is important. If the interlocutor is telling and at least something has become incomprehensible, he needs to be asked again to clarify the situation. Thanks to this exercise, you can change all the motives and goals of communication, as well as make it clear to the interlocutor that the listener is really listening to him;
Posing questions.Initially, you need to pay attention to the quality of the questions asked. If they are closed, the communication skill development exercise will go wrong. Questions should begin with the following words:
- How often?
- Why?
- How?
- How many?
- When?
Initially, it may seem that asking questions is quite difficult. However, when the interlocutor begins to show curiosity for the opponent, such a skill will develop automatically.
Awareness is the basis of any skill. Indeed, thanks to the development of the skill, a person ceases to observe himself and is completely immersed in communication with his interlocutor. Thanks to awareness, a person ceases to criticize the interlocutor, and begins to understand his feelings.This technique will teach you to use different approaches instead of having a standard conversation.
Having a conversation with strangers
If a person begins communication with a person unfamiliar to him, he becomes an involuntary witness of other people's feelings and emotions, experiencing them too. A standard conversation about the weather can turn into a deep interaction. In fact, it seems strange to many that one can take and establish personal contact with completely strangers like this. However, such interactions can cause emotional resonance. There are a number of tips on how to communicate with strangers.
Tip 1: Open interest in other people.Each of the people is a unique person. You should analyze your communication experience. It must be understood that the interlocutor is more interested in communicating not with someone who is smarter than him, but with someone who listens and understands him. Be attentive.
Tip 2: smile.People who smile from the point of view of psychology seem more attractive. A smile shows the interlocutor that communicating with him, the interlocutor receives a good mood and positive emotions
Tip 3: proper name - the most pleasant word for anyone. If you name a person by name, you can give him the simplest compliment. A name is an individual. That is why many people get annoyed when their name is distorted by someone, changing to a form that is not to their liking.
Tip 3: listening skills.When dealing with strangers, this is important. Few people really know how to listen to the interlocutor. As a rule, many people just wait for a break to express their opinion and do not delve into the information that the interlocutor wanted to convey. If you carefully listen to even a stranger and ask him additional questions, the interlocutor shows his full interest.
What to do if the interlocutor is cattle?
A conversation with such a person takes a lot of energy and leaves an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul. Before you start a conversation with cattle people, assess the situation.
Not to respond to comments and not to pay attention is the easiest way out of the situation. In most cases, the goal of a cattle person is to offend the interlocutor or insult. This pleasure must be deprived of it. You can change the subject of the conversation or contact another person. Such a gesture means unwillingness to play by the rules of the interlocutor.
Some tips for dialogue with cattle people:
- Be constructive. An impolite interlocutor can impose his point of view in a rude or offensive manner. Do not succumb to provocations and return constructivity to the dialogue.
- Translate the attack. If necessary, resort to sarcasm in your speech. Such a gesture will make it clear to the interlocutor about the skills of using spoken weapons. In some cases, masters of verbal skirmishes may perceive this as a challenge to a duel. And then you have to look for an answer to another cue, and thus ad infinitum. Make it clear to the interlocutor that he is wrong and close the controversial topic.
- Find out the motive of treatment. There is a category of people who always ulcerate during a conversation. For some, sarcasm is a form of manipulation. Need to think, what is the motive of the interlocutor? Maybe he attracts attention. Or vice versa, with the help of sharp remarks, he leaves the discussion.
Behaving confidently in any situation is the main task of everyone. If the interlocutor is unperturbed, bydovlichnaya personality will be difficult to provoke him.
If you dislike the person you are talking to
Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world where all people are kind and sympathetic. On the way there are also individuals who carry negativity and hostility in communication. But you need to be able to talk with such a category of people in order to learn how to survive and be in society. Psychologists have a number of tips for communicating with unpleasant people:
Tip 1: start with yourself. If the interlocutor is unpleasant, you must understand that this can be changed within yourself.
Tip 2: be neutral. If the situation is controversial, you do not need to find out who is right. Anyway, everyone will remain in their own opinion, and the interlocutors will only spoil each other's nerves.
Tip 3: good in an unpleasant person. Before condemning the interlocutor, think about it, and suddenly he only wished good. People tend not to notice the good. They think so. But when something is done wrong, it is immediately noticeable. Therefore, you should try to praise and support an unpleasant personality, if he really deserves it. Over time, the same thing may be heard in your address.
Tip 4: increase the space with an unpleasant interlocutor. You can work, move to another room, during the conference, sit on the other side of the table, try to communicate more with other people. Ignoring is an effective way for an unpleasant friend to become an ordinary employee, work colleague, or even a friend.
Tip 5: think what you can endure and what’s annoying. Take it easy. Perhaps he treats all others badly. After all, there are people who are constantly dissatisfied with something. They have severe facial expressions and rarely have a smile. There are two options: either try using your communication to change your loyalty to yourself, or start to ignore it.
Tip 6: honesty. Openness and directness will help get rid of unpleasant people. If you can’t help someone, just refuse, you should not make excuses. Many people do not even realize that they have the ability to annoy.
Tip 7: it’s unlikely that someone can be changed. The character is laid in the personality by upbringing from early childhood, so do not try to change someone. But you can completely change your attitude to a specific person.
If you use the above tips, then life will seem much simpler.
Features of communication with the opposite sex
If a person did not wind himself up from scratch, many troubles, grievances, quarrels and squinting glances could have been avoided. Everyone is inclined to independently create sharp corners where there are no corners at all. Instead of enjoying communication with people around us, we come up with different reasons, and then we are offended by fiction.
Due to the fact that a person winds himself up, ceases to communicate with those with whom he wants, because of the limitations he imagines, resentment and negative emotions accumulate. Instead of pushing yourself into a framework, it is better to enjoy meetings and conversations. This also applies to the opposite sex.
When meeting with the opposite sex, there is the main main rule - start talking about hobbies.
When you want to get acquainted with the opposite sex, rely only on a beautiful outfit or appearance is not worth it. A successful appearance will help create a positive first impression, but the rich inner world, hobbies, stories and more are much more important. Therefore, rely only on appearance is not worth it.
At first, when dealing with the opposite sex, there may be a feeling of stiffness. This is normal. Since some people simply do not have a clear algorithm of behavior with a new acquaintance. An insecure person is afraid to take the first step and to explain himself incorrectly, therefore, representatives of both sexes have complexes.
The main advice is to stop being afraid to communicate with people. Open to them and then life will become more interesting and rich.
The purpose of dating for a woman should not be marriage, but for a man - use a woman in bed. It is not necessary to completely abandon your intentions, however, first of all, you need to be prudent. You should not rush things. Perhaps there is something in common. Prohibited topics for conversation are: former men / women, work, material wealth, conversations about the weather.
With each new acquaintance, a person should be perceived as a friend / friend. You need to get acquainted just like that. Only time will tell what the relationship will grow into. You need to behave like friends.Do not show or advertise yourself, but show real qualities.
