Many suffer from loneliness, both strong and successful, as well as entangled in themselves. It often happens that a woman is beautiful both externally and internally, completely self-sufficient and content with her life, being alone for a long time. The reasons for this are not always clear, but the solution to the problem begins with their determination.
Reasons for female loneliness
In the absence of visible problems, the cause of loneliness must be sought in yourself. Psychologists recommend that conclusions are based on the results of introspection according to the following criteria:
- The presence or absence of childhood psychological trauma;
- Life attitudes and beliefs;
- Understanding your own psychology and character traits;
- Arrangement of life priorities;
- Attitude to life and general moral condition.
In order to eradicate the problem that causes loneliness, it may take a long multi-stage work on yourself. It includes fundamental changes in attitude to life and oneself in the first place.
Childhood injuries
Female loneliness is classified by type or stage, depending on the degree of psychological maturity of the woman. There are only five stages:
- Infantile;
- Vedic;
- Highly independent;
- Commitment to an open relationship;
- Depreciation of the relationship.
So most cases when loneliness is caused by psychological trauma in children falls into the category of the first, infantile stage.
Psychologists call it a “substitution attempt” when a woman cannot imagine her life without a man, but cannot find him because she does not understand the reasons for her desire. Not everyone goes through this stage, but the history of such women often has early childhood injuries: the absence of one or both parents, or excessive cruelty on their part. This state of affairs forms an abyss in which there is not enough love, gratitude and the desire to share warmth and tenderness. Growing up, such women are desperately trying to make up for the loss of love from childhood with the help of a man, but often exert excessive pressure on him, provoking the man to care.
Women who in childhood were not only disliked, but were often condemned by relatives, friends and acquaintances, often find themselves in the second stage of loneliness - Vedic. They understand that men are not interested in what they are, and they are trying to change themselves so that they like the stronger sex.
Frustrated by unsuccessful attempts to change themselves, some women move on to the third stage - emphasized independence. At this stage, as a rule, an erroneous recognition comes that efforts are not worth the result, and women simply refuse to try to arrange their personal lives. Pursuing careers, self-development and everyday life, many often meet their love when they are focused on something else. On the one hand, this stage is the safest and most useful, on the other - the most difficult.
The fourth stage can be called the stage free relationship - this is when self-sufficient, contented with their lives single women do not seek a partner for life, but use men exclusively in a sexual sense. Not everyone can accept this state of affairs, and its benefits are highly debatable. The transition to the stage of free relations can be affected by negative experiences both from childhood and from adulthood, when couples around collapse and a woman is subconsciously afraid to repeat someone’s fate.
Not everyone reaches the fifth stage, and whoever gets it rarely leaves it. The fifth stage is total depreciation of a relationshipwhen the institution of marriage itself does not carry any significance, and the woman is completely self-sufficient and does not depend on physical impulses. Such women are successful, balanced and almost happy, but still lonely.
Erroneous Attitudes and Beliefs
Each person has principles that he follows in everything, including in relationships. Women have several such principles at once. Someone basically does not write first, someone is waiting for a prince on a white horse, someone does not meet married. These attitudes are not always erroneous, but their influence on relationships is undeniable and can be negative if the approach is wrong.
The problem of loneliness can be solved by finding such installations at home, weighing their need and removing, or modifying. These include:
- Following the advice of loved ones. Mimicking other people's views and setting priorities in accordance with the norms prescribed by societies is not always useful. To marry, being a virgin, to meet with a guy only if he has a car and a salary above three minimum living wages, do not give his number on the first date. This is not always bad, but at least not always effective.
- Creating an Inappropriate Image. Do you want to be given a hand and treated like the Queen of Britain, and you yourself leave the porch in trousers and a batch file? It is not surprising that you will be treated exactly the way you present yourself. The difference between the appearance and the internal state is not always traced and can confuse men.
- Switching to career, hobbies and hobbies. Who does not play, he does not drink champagne, and who gives up trying to arrange his personal life by doing other things, most often does not suit her. This principle works in all areas of life, and in relationships it can be traced most clearly.
- Incorrect interpretation of the meaning of the relationship. If you ask three different people what the relationship is for, the answer for at least one of them will probably be different. The meaning of the relationship is different for everyone, and it is worth understanding for yourself, thinking whether it is imposed on you by society, the older generation or the classics of cinema and literature. Think about why you need a man, and act on this basis. The most common mistake of this type is to think that a man will make you happy. However, people themselves create their own happiness and blaming their partner for their emotional state is the most serious mistake in finding a couple.
- Reluctance to accept a person in the form in which they met. Many girls, entering into a relationship and even marriage, think that the main thing is for the man to be, but to change him and make it better somehow succeed. As a result, breaking up couples and families appear for the simple reason that people do not always want to change or are not amenable to change.
- Image idealization. It is dangerous in any situation - both in solitude and in relationships - to idealize the face of a future lover. Figuratively speaking, if a woman is waiting for a prince on a white horse, she will not see the king on black. Therefore, the search for a couple may not succeed if you too idealize the image of your chosen one. In relationships, the danger has a slightly different look: falling in love and not bothering to understand the nature of a person’s women often face the fact that the man actually does not correspond to the original image. Disappointment in this situation leads to a cooling of feelings.
The presence of several installations from this list already entails problems in the relationship, and work on them is a matter of paramount importance.
Ignorance of myself
Many women try to start a new relationship without understanding themselves. As a result, what hindered in previous relationships is transferred to new ones and everything goes in a circle again.
Lack of understanding of their desires entails the inability to control their behavior. Psychologists have a reason to recommend not entering into relationships, being depressed or experiencing internal problems. Often men feel this and leave, because it becomes uncomfortable for them to communicate with a woman who does not understand what she wants from herself.
Negative experience and fear of relationships
After being burnt in milk, they blow into the water - a well-known proverb. So in a relationship, negative experience is remembered for a long time and prevents you from relaxing. Once experienced drama causes a subconscious fear of repetition. Many women who are unlucky with a partner, having parted with him, have long been afraid to trust the new. This is natural, the instinct of self-preservation works this way, but you still have to let go of fear, otherwise the effect of a self-fulfilling prophecy may work and the situation will happen again.
Think about it, maybe you still haven’t let go of the person you once loved. Stop loving a former partner difficult, but if you don’t work on it, starting a new happy relationship is almost impossible.
In addition, anxiety caused by bad experiences is perceived by men as distrust of them. Many of them do not like to make a lot of efforts to gain trust and leave, seeing that a woman can not let go of her past.
Self-centeredness
One of the reasons for loneliness may be the concentration of attention on oneself, which is akin to egoism. Inattention to others makes it difficult to win over people and finding a couple becomes even more difficult.
Now it’s fashionable to work on yourself and for yourself. Being confident and loving yourself is important and useful, however, in a relationship where one of the partners is fixated on himself and does not pay enough attention to the second, sooner or later there will be a discord.
People value most when they are interested in and care about them, so it’s worth analyzing your attitude towards others and, if necessary, changing it. In relationships, this is crucial. Take an interest in men and they will answer the same.
The lack of "fire"
A very likely cause of loneliness may be a negative attitude towards life: lack of cheerfulness, permanent frowning, pessimistic views. It’s more difficult for such people to find a mate than always fun people with a twinkle.
The reason for pessimism is often dislike of oneself and in order to get rid of it, it is necessary love yourself. The hackneyed phrase “Love yourself and people will reach for you” is the most relevant advice for single women who are trying to find a mate. Without this, any methods will not have the desired effect.
How to find out why I am alone?
Understanding why you are single is easy. Take a sheet of paper and answer in detail the following questions:
- Was my childhood happy, was parental love enough for me?
- What is the most common reason for parting in my life?
- Do I like myself?
- Does my character suit me?
- Do I correspond to my image, and the image - to my inner state?
- Do I understand what I want from a partner and relationships in general?
- How can I attract people and how to repel?
Analyze your answers and outline points worth working on. After a while, go back to the notes, re-read them and note the changes. This work does not last a day or two, but months, sometimes even years, but it is necessary in order to forget about loneliness.
In addition, for help in understanding the causes of loneliness, you can turn not only to psychologists, but also to people you trust: friends, girlfriends, relatives.
You should not take serious steps towards relations without understanding yourself and your problems. It is much better to do this when there are significant changes in lifestyle, character and behavior.
