While Western countries have been promoting the idea of developing independence for a child almost from the very first breath, our Russian mothers and fathers are trying their best to surround the child with love, care and help.
But only such education has a downside. And if love is unquestioning, care is necessary (but not with the prefix "hyper"), then help is a rather subjective concept.
Often, the help of parents interferes with the formation of the child’s personality and does not allow the development of important personal qualities (leadership, willpower, self-confidence, independence)
So when and why is it not worth helping a child?
Let the child make a choice
The best way to raise a self-doubt, non-self-dependent and always doubting child is to always choose everything for him. And yes, it was “bad advice” in the best traditions of Gregory Oster.
The right to choose is one of the most important rights for the baby.
You can not help your child make a choice in cases:
- Hobbies and hobbies. Let him decide what he likes best. Otherwise, a lot of time will be spent on what he will never do in the future.
- Friends. “Tell me who your friend is, and I will say who you are” - is no longer relevant. Let the child choose his own social circle.
We, adults, are more likely to focus on the social component and income of parents, and this can distort the perception of life in a child. Moreover, he may just be uninteresting with those guys who you prophesy as friends, and this will result in an unpleasant conflict.
- clothing. We increasingly notice the phrase: “My daughter chose this dress,” and no, this is not a joke. The child should be allowed to express themselves through clothing.
- Food. It has long been proved by educators and nutritionists that it is impossible to force children to eat against their will. This was true for the hungry years and the times of food shortages, when you had to eat everything to the last.
Choosing food is a good way to feed the smallest.
Learning your baby begins with a daily routine
The everyday activities that a baby will have to do throughout his life are the basis of his upbringing and independence. Of course, at first you can’t do without your training and help, but then it’s better to retreat.
Let the baby dress herself.
This is good practice for fine motor skills. Well, in the end, you will not be able to dress him to a very old age. And older children themselves already protest against this. Such behavior should be treated with understanding.
Just teach him to eat on his own.
Eating from a spoon is good, but only at first. No matter how much we do not want the children to stay small longer, this will not happen. Remember that in the kindergarten he will also not be fed constantly. Give a spoon in hand - let it study! And the sooner the better. This will prepare for further responsibilities in life.
Creativity of children is not a place for adults
Creativity is called creativity by the fact that everyone is free to express their own imagination in a way that is convenient.
Creativity is an area in which various skills are developed in the baby. He learns to make choices, make up compositions, and solve the tasks set for himself.
In this case, parents have only one way out - to give the child to create and not interfere with instructions. Do not use phrases:
- It will be better this way;
- The sky should be blue, the grass should be green, and nothing else;
- It is not right;
- Have you ever seen such animals?
- This is not a girl / boy occupation.
Using these words, you unknowingly inhibit the development of the baby.
What unnecessary help leads to
Excessive parental assistance always and in everything leads to a distorted perception in the child.
Subsequently, this may result in such problems:
- The complete lack of independence in an adult is already a person who does not even know how to sew a button on clothes;
- Dependence on the opinions of others;
- Inability to make any decisions in life;
- Complexes regarding own insolvency;
- Abnormal perfectionism. In this case, this is due to the opinion that “Mom does better, but I can’t do anything”;
- Fear of making mistakes that grow into a psychological problem.
One of the biggest problems of children raised with ongoing parental care and support is an abundance of fears.
Growing up, children begin to be afraid of absolutely everything: from the slightest blunders to communication and interaction with other people.
Along with this, you accustom the child to what everyone will always do for him. And the world around is not adapted to this. Therefore, first of all, think about the future social life of the baby.
Moreover, the child, constantly hoping for someone else's help, grows up as an infantile and selfish, often domestic tyrant, treading on his own parents.
That is why, in order to grow up a strong and independent personality, it is necessary to teach a child to do everything himself, and to provide help less often.
Do you agree with this reasoning? Or is it worth protecting the baby for as long as possible?
