Many parents forget that when forbidding something to their children, it is necessary to explain the reason for the ban. I understood the benefits of this simple technique not only from the examples of familiar mothers, but also from my own. I will share with you several stories.
- Bans without words result in no result
My close friend works as a hairdresser. The other day, she indignantly told me one story that happened at work.
Since she also works on weekends, but there is no kindergarten, she had to take her daughter (3 years old) with her to the hairdresser. At first everything was calm, the child had something to do, but the toys quickly got bored.
At this time, a young girl arrived who had a beautiful bag with a shiny chain. The girl put her purse on the seat next to herself and, waiting for her turn, buried herself on the phone.
Such an action in itself provokes disobedience.
Naturally, the child was attracted by a new bright toy. The baby, without asking, started tugging at her handbag and even put it on. The girl noticed, was outraged, turned to my friend. The same just grabbed the chain from her hands.
The child does not understand unmotivated acts. She saw a "toy", they took her away without explaining anything. As a result, the baby did not understand the reasons for this action and was upset.
Naturally, without proper explanation, the girl again reached for someone else's purse. The owner made a direct observation directly to her, and her mother again took the bag away without explanation. This did not bring any result and the situation repeated.
As a result, the baby burst into tears, and the girl took things and left. A friend snorted contemptuously that the ill-mannered ones had grown up. But we lay the upbringing and a certain fault lies with her. What was wrong in the situation?
Mother should have taken away her daughter’s handbag and said that it’s impossible to touch other people's things.
The solution is simple, and the effect is very important. The child’s brain is not always able to understand exactly how to act in a particular situation, so the child needs an explanation. Otherwise, he will repeat the perfect action, not understanding the consequences.
- It’s impossible, because I said so ... Where is the motive?
Another important problem of explaining their prohibitions to children is the lack of specificity. Any ban must be properly argued.
When we were on vacation, on the beach I observed the following situation. The boy, apparently 3-4 years old, did not want to wear a panama hat. His mother continued to stubbornly pull her back.
The kid took off his panama hat, threw it away, and the mother continued to put it on and was nervous. Apparently, she realized that without explanation it would not work. And then a dialogue followed:
- Put on the panama hat.
- I do not want.
- It’s impossible without a panama.
- Why?
- Because I said so.
On the face of the baby, a misunderstanding was clearly read. And mother, as if nothing had happened, continued to sunbathe. Personally, I think this approach is absolutely wrong. The phrase “Because I said so”, of course, shows parental authority, but does not bear any moralizing moment.
What should be done in this situation?
The child’s question “Why?” Had to be answered with a concrete explanation. For example: "Because without a panama, your head will hurt from the sun." The explanation is simple, but the motives are clear to the baby.
Being extremely inquisitive, little children want to know everything about everything, including the reasons for certain actions. Both parental and their own.
- Screaming and swearing is not the best alternative to a calm explanation
But this story is directly connected with me. My daughter and I were relaxing in the park near the playground. While we were talking with mummies, the kids were busy in the sand.
At some point, one of the mothers jumped sharply and started screaming at the entire site, so that the baby would throw someone else's toy found deep in the sand. And all this was done in an imperative tone.
A neighbor then in my ear said: “Well look, there's so much sense in shouting. The child will not understand ”. I agreed with her, and then I made the same mistake, but already at home.
My daughter wanted to play a tablet, although it was too late and I had to put her to bed. And you yourself probably know how difficult it is to lay a child if he does not want to sleep at all. Therefore, I, already very tired, said in a raised voice that no one would play. And then I remembered what happened during the day.
- Let’s read better with you at night, so you will sleep peacefully and sweetly. And playing at night is bad, they do not give good dreams to dreams.
Just like that, I was able not only to explain my ban, but also to benefit from it. The promise of an interesting fairy tale made her daughter quickly go to bed, and while reading, she also quickly fell asleep.
Among all ways to explain parental prohibitions, screaming is the worst option. This negatively affects the psyche and self-esteem of the child, moreover, they certainly can not explain anything!
I hope these stories will be useful and moralizing, because each of us, at least once, was mistaken in forbidding something to the child.
