The love that books and romantic films promote is a strong and bright feeling that, as a rule, remains for life. In reality, sometimes it is different. Circumstances bred people, and it is not so easy to get rid of this “strong and bright” feeling. Unrequited love oppresses and crushes, does not allow to move on, prevents to start a new life and relationship. Dealing with this does not seem easy, but psychologists recommend several effective ways.
10 tips to stop loving a guy
Perhaps most of all, girls suffer from unrequited love, although the guys also hardly wean from strong feelings, but the male psyche is arranged differently. Female psychology in most cases has a monogamous character and, having “stuck with a soul” to a certain person, women can hardly get rid of love, especially when it is strong.
It is impossible to stop loving a guy at the click of a finger - this is a matter of long, hard work, and psychological exercises. As advice in order to stop loving a person, psychologists note 10 basic recommendations.
Kick a person not only from the head, but also from the environment
It is extremely difficult to do this, but it is not in vain that psychologists are repeating in unison that they should get rid of any reminders of their former partner, who needs to be stopped loving as quickly as possible.
When people break up, they do it because the relationship has become obsolete, but things that remind you of happy days together create a false impression of what was good together. As a result, people converge again, and again disperse, wounding each other.
Therefore, in order not to make yourself even more painful, get rid of gifts, joint photos, forgotten things and other things that recalls the former. If the hand does not rise to throw or sell, put everything in a box and hide in the farthest corner.
Gestalt therapy
At the stage of broken relations, the most important condition for their traceless passage is complete logical completeness. “Leaving - go away,” said the famous classic, and not in vain: as long as there are omissions, grievances, empty hopes and it is not completely clear whether you will converge again or not, you won’t be able to calm down. So close the relationship.
There are different methods for this. You can say everything that you think about the past relationship in person, in a letter or in a note, and if this is not possible, use the gestalt therapy exercise: place a chair in front of you and imagine that your former partner is sitting behind him, and tell him everything that has accumulated. After that, it will become much easier, a feeling of completeness will appear.
Contract with myself
A contract with yourself is a particularly difficult decision, it is not easy, and to consolidate it, it will be effective to determine the boundaries and conditions for making a decision.In some ways, this method resembles gestalt therapy, also requiring visualization for the production of a psychological unit.
Take a piece of paper and make an agreement with yourself, according to which you undertake to stop loving a certain person. And come up with conditions that work both in case of execution and in case of non-execution. You can even attract a “second” - a third party that you trust.
The desire to get something good and the fear of doing something that you don’t want to do will help to cope with unrequited feelings.
Image discrediting
Erich Fromm, a German psychologist, author of many books, bluntly states - we love not a person, but an image that we compose for ourselves. In fact, he is right. We can ignore the negative actions of a loved one because for us he looks positive. And we love exactly the positive image that we like.
In order to stop loving, you should discredit this image, turn it from a positive, if not negative, then at least to a neutral one. For example, sit down, make a list of all the unpleasant situations that occurred through his fault, his negative qualities and bad habits. Draw a cartoon or admire not the most successful photos.
Displacement by filling
When inside accumulate, seething and every now and then emotions flare up, the human mind is busy calming them and can not let in anything new. But in order to pour water from a vessel that cannot be turned over, you can "push out" this water.
Yes, this is a little insensitive, but try to compare a mental wound with a scratch on your finger. You will not pick it, considering all the details almost around the clock? So you can lose a finger, but with the soul the same. Leave her wounds to "drag on" and treat her with books, films, music, games, talking with friends, do not forget to do the same with the body.
Change of circle of communication
Often, when parting, there are general contacts or people at meetings with whom you often appeared with your former partner. Such people remind of the gap by the very fact of their existence, and if they also sympathetically ask why you broke up, it won’t make it easier for you.
Try to change the circle of friends, find new friends, join a youth group. New acquaintances will help you get distracted and feel the taste of life.
Wish List Focus
The recovery period after a gap is delayed for a long time if you do nothing and wait for everything to pass by itself. We all perfectly understand this, but it’s not clear what to do in order not to sit without strength.
A great option is to make a wish list, and the more there are, the better. Then the list must be started. This will bring you benefits and positive emotions, and also help to recover not only from a painful break, but also to get rid of obsessive unrequited feelings.
Diary of joy
Strong feelings that you want to get rid of take away almost all the strength and emotions. Therefore, it is important to accumulate and strengthen any positive emotions distracted from love fever.
Get yourself a separate notebook and write down everything that gives you joy. So you learn to find the bright, even in the little things of life. An alternative is a 100-day photo call with psychological overtones, which consists in taking pictures for a hundred days on the thing that pleased you that day, and every day is new.
Sublimate the negative
Take care of a matter that will take your time for nagging and procrastination, caused by the impotence of unrequited love. Take overtime, get a second job, start a new project that takes a lot of energy.
So you will not only not have time to think about your feelings, but also will have additional income that you can spend for your own benefit.
Contact a specialist
If nothing helps, and love becomes like a mania, it might be better to consult a psychologist or even a psychotherapist. Such strong feelings can ruin your psyche.
To stop loving one who is far away is a matter of time and work on oneself. Is it possible to stop loving a person while living with him - the question is much more interesting. When a former partner or husband flashes daily before his eyes, but treats him coldly and indifferently, like a stranger, to stop loving him seems to be of paramount importance.
In any case, the first thing that should help is a change in living space. Stop loving her husband, living with him, especially in the process of divorce, will not work painlessly. It is necessary to move away from him as soon as possible.
To move away, to dot and and to change priorities - this is the main essence of any order of actions in order to stop loving a former partner, husband or married man.
Psychologists advice on how to stop loving a girl
Many of the above list of psychological tips work for both sexes, but for men, the following are best suited as ways to stop loving a girl or wife:
- Do what you love. For those that bring the most joy, you can even make yourself a separate list. Try everything you can and find what attracts you the most - this is almost the only instant method to forget a girl. Forgetting, unfortunately, is not tantamount to falling out of love, but redirecting love to a hobby always works without fail.
- Just wait. Live, look for new girls, go about your business, with time your old feelings will go away. Running and seeking love of one that does not show it is the last thing a self-respecting man should do.
- Workout. All feelings can be redirected to sports and physical activity. This not only helps to distract from obsessive thoughts, but also cultivates health.
- Meet others. It’s not a fact that you will immediately meet another one that will help you “recover” from the love of the former girl, but at least you can compare her with others and understand that the world does not end on one person.
Girls like much more guys like to part without parting - that is, to meet and take advantage of the guy’s willingness to help with everything in the hope of restoring relations. Therefore, the first thing that cannot be done is to succumb to such manipulation. Clearly distinguish between friendly and romantic, so as not to have false hopes and not to amuse the girl’s pride.
What to do if you fall in love with a friend?
In the life of a rare girl, such a situation did not happen when a spark flickered in friendships, and many pink stories about how strong friendship turned into a strong family walk on the Internet. However, much more often the harsh reality of the “friend zone” happens, when the first step is either taken and the answer is negative, or circumstances do not at all imply the possibility of a relationship. But feelings already exist and something needs to be done with them.
Before you do anything, you need to get an accurate answer to two questions:
- Are your feelings love or affection?
- Is a relationship possible in the best case scenario?
It is really important to answer the first question before answering the second. Think, are you really in love, or are you just too attached to the person and feel gratitude for the emotions that friendship gives you? Often people make a huge mistake by not trying to distinguish between falling in love and emotional attachment. This is difficult, but necessary, and you can do this by analyzing your feelings in previous relationships and comparing with what you feel for a friend.
If you are sure that you are in love, you have a choice: try to open your feelings or abandon them.
In the first case, it is very important to weigh everything well and decide what is more precious to you - the friendship that exists, or the vague opportunity to make relationships.In the second case, it’s better to mentally prepare for the worst option and, in order to minimize the negative consequences, at least superficially find out what are the chances that your friend also likes you. If he is free, the chances increase sharply, and if busy, they decrease by an order of magnitude.
When it is clear that there will be no relationship, but there are feelings, it is extremely difficult to stop loving your best friend, especially if he does not know about your feelings. To do this, there are different ways: interrupt communication, start communicating more with other people, resort to options from the first list of tips for girls or try to wait. It is possible that over time the flaming fire will die down itself, without any recharge.
Regardless of the circumstances, any feelings are helpful. They temper character, give new experience and help to understand oneself. The main thing is to be aware, understand what is happening, and look for methods to solve the problem.
