Divorce is popularly called a “small death”, since the spectrum of emotions of two once in love people when parting is similar to the emotions felt when a loved one is lost. This is a loss not only of partners, but also of the usual way of life, plans and hopes, and it is not surprising that many are experiencing psychological problems. To realize their position, find a way out and live their lives, psychologists recommend taking a number of specific actions.
Tips for surviving a divorce from your husband
The most difficult thing in this period is to get used to loneliness, let go of a person and learn to live for yourself. It becomes even more difficult if circumstances do not have it: along with divorce, you have to endure treason, small children or something else remain.
For different cases, psychologists give different recommendations.
If there are children
When families break up, it is not the parents who suffer the most, but the small children. The task of a woman in such a situation is not only to recover herself, but also to take care of the children, to help them survive the unpleasant event as painlessly as possible.
When there are children in common, it is not easy to cross out your ex-spouse from your life - you have to meet, communicate, at least until the children grow up. Therefore, when getting divorced and staying with children, it is important to make a lot of efforts so that when you are getting divorced from your husband, you do not have children with your father. Even if you have only negative feelings for your spouse, children should know him as a father.
You should not set up children against the father, they can get a psychological trauma and blame themselves all their lives for breaking up their parents.
It is very important to explain to the children that mom and dad will no longer live together, but dad did not go anywhere, he just wanted to leave, but they would see him and walk. Of course, not like before, but it will help children get rid of feelings and guilt.
In no case should you restrict the child in communication and meetings with his father. If you yourself simply do not have enough mental strength to see your ex-spouse, ask someone else (grandmother, sister, girlfriend) to do this in your place. Let them take the children for the first time to their father or meet him on their territory. After a while you will be able to do it yourself, but for now try to find a way to limit your communication with your ex-husband, reducing it to the necessary minimum.
Learn to perceive your ex-husband solely as the father of common children.
Ideally, you should at least try to establish friendships with your spouse, if possible. It is better to leave, forgive and release the person and remove the negative from communication - thereby the children will feel much more comfortable. Focusing on children is a good way to handle and survive a divorce. Give them the warmth they need, recharge yourself with energy from them, and remember that you have someone to live for.
If no children
The first time after a divorce, the pain is amazingly strong, but it is important to remember that one day it will go away.In order to more easily survive this expectation, psychologists recommend:
- Speak out and splash out the negativity. Do not restrain yourself the first time after a divorce, do not drown out the pain and do not deny yourself the desire to burst into tears. If there is a person nearby who can listen to and console you, trust him and throw out all the negative emotions. Just do not prolong such tantrums for longer than a few days. This is normal for a short time, but then you need to get together, pull yourself together and return to normal life.
- Boost your self esteem. Give yourself confidence with any available method: a new haircut, a new hair color, new clothes.
- Do not go into yourself. Alone, sadness will begin to eat you from the inside. Get out of the house more often, communicate with friends and friends, go to the cinema and theater, to various interesting events, do not stay for long in four walls.
- Take a break from relationships. Do not rush in search of a new companion, stay alone for some time, analyze past marriage and mistakes, decide which person you would like to see next to. If you start looking for another man soon after the divorce, there is a great chance to be disappointed, draw the wrong conclusions and earn an acute dislike for men.
- Believe in the best. Do not blame yourself, do not repeat to yourself that you will never meet people like your ex-husband, and you will never be able to love as you loved. It is important to believe in yourself and your future.
Women of different ages are experiencing different reactions to divorce. A divorce for a woman after 40 is not the same as a divorce for a twenty-year-old. But regardless of this, it is important to remember that beauty and attractiveness do not depend on a woman’s age, but on her moral qualities and state of mind.
If a divorce occurred due to treason
If the divorce occurred due to the betrayal of her husband, it always hurts. But the first thing is to calm down and not draw any conclusions in a rush. Calmed down, think about the reasons for what happened. If the divorce was initiated by her husband, do not blame yourself. Time will help to recover, and when life improves, the true reasons will be understood and it will most likely turn out that you are not to blame for anything.
Do not look for a conversation with either the ex-spouse or the love of the woman - it is unlikely to lead to anything good, on the contrary, it will aggravate the situation. Take care of yourself. Imagine being watched and made to be admired. Start a new business. Go to meetings with friends. Embark on a journey.
When the ex sees that your life has improved, he may want to come back. To accept it or not is up to you. Divorce is not a reason for despair, you can always turn life in a new direction.
Tips for surviving a divorce from your wife
Men are not without weaknesses and, since they are taught from childhood not to cry, not to complain and be strong, they are sometimes completely unprepared for acute psychological pain. Divorce is a shock for a man, regardless of whether he loved his wife, and the best way out under such conditions is to allow yourself to feel the emotions.
Depending on whether feelings remained for the ex-wife, psychologists advise different models of behavior.
If the wife is gone, and you love her
Another man, your or her betrayal, bad relationships - it does not matter what caused the breakup, but if it turned out that you were abandoned, it will be difficult to survive. Psychologists recommend experiencing this sad circumstance with the right approach:
- Do not show aggression to the former spouse;
- Do not go to extremes: whining, drinking bouts, do not give up work in a hurry;
- Do not ask to return everything and do not pursue the ex-spouse;
- Do not reject psychological help and do not go away from the whole world;
- Living on with your life, finding a distraction in your favorite activities, work, new interests and hobbies.
Try to treat the woman’s act with understanding - this advice is especially relevant if children remain after the divorce. A good relationship with an ex-wife is the key to a good relationship with children, and this is very important.
If you were the initiator of the gap
Having met another woman and tired of his wife, many men decide to divorce. A situation arises when a woman openly demonstrates her experiences, in this case, psychologists recommend to men:
- To relate to her suffering with understanding and participation, but not to indulge them;
- Leave calmly and peacefully, without showing his delight and relief;
- Do not belittle her in the eyes of friends and acquaintances, and especially in front of a new life partner;
- Behave as a man and not take the last, leaving the family;
- Treat one who was once the center of your life with respect and gratitude.
If children remain from marriage, they will have to be taken care of not only because of the law, but also moral duty. When meeting with children, take your wife as their mother, and not as a member of your family - she now has her own family, you have a new relationship. Try not to aggravate the situation and not cause her feelings even more harm, which is also transmitted to children.
How to get a divorce so that no one is hurt?
Divorce is compared with surgery - all efforts have been made, all drugs have been tried, but there is no effect. Once you have to lay out a strong union on the operating table, and whether the operation will take place with or without anesthesia depends on both participants in the divorce process.
We will not say that divorce requires good reason - this is understandable, psychologists pay much more attention to how to survive what happened and make the separation less unpleasant for both parties.
After weighing all the circumstances and deciding to leave, approach this question correctly. First of all, you should talk with your other half and here psychologists advise:
- Sit down and talk. If your spouse cherishes you, then he will either try to stop, or make concessions and try to maintain a friendly relationship. If reconciliation is not possible, then a frank conversation will allow you to verify the correctness of the decision.
- Leaving - leaving. Just pack, tell the former second half that you leave and leave the house. Or take out a spouse who does not want to put up with the circumstances, if you can. This is not the best way, as well as leaving the house without warning, but if it doesn’t work out differently, this is a forced decision. True, to establish communication after this is unlikely to succeed. But in no case after the incident can not be returned.
- Keep the conversation calm and steady. Do not scream, do not scandal, do not blame. Announce your decision and do not succumb to provocations. Save face and do not react to provocations of a person under pressure of emotions. In the future, you will thank yourself more than once for this.
If your other half turns out to be adequate and, having reconciled with your desire to divorce, supports the idea of maintaining an equal relationship, be sure to thank her for this. Especially if there are children in the family. Correct, quiet divorce is the best solution that parents are capable of.
